Day 97: July 6, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
I definitely saw drinking as self-care, in terms of a luxurious treat. Luckily it's been fairly effective to switch to yummy AF alternatives so I can still treat myself. The only difference is that I am not numbing out, which obviously sometimes I feel like I want to do, but now I know it's not a good idea! But overall I don't feel like I've had to give up the luxury I felt at night by pouring a drink. I can still make AF cocktails, and the AF Guinness plus a few pieces of dark chocolate is something I genuinely look forward to now.
I didn't often drink alone (usually I drank with friends or with my husband), but the few times I did it, I remember enjoying it. One night I went out to a jazz club by myself and had a chocolate martini – and it's probably one of my favorite memories of drinking. But in reality it wasn't the alcohol that made the night special, it was the unique experience of going out by myself in a fun environment. Now I know I could have had an AF drink and still enjoyed myself... Maybe not back then, because of the beliefs I held around drinking. But now I know it's not the alcohol itself that makes things fun (except the first 30 minutes).
I definitely relate to the idea that drinking makes you feel artificially close to people, but with some distance I can see that more often than not drinking led to sadness, unpleasant interactions, unnecessary stress or even arguments. So real human connection isn't caused by alcohol. It's caused by clear-eyed vulnerability.
It's interesting to ask yourself who you'd call if something seriously bad happened. It's true, for me it's not so much the large social group I spent time with when drinking. The group of close relationships I nurture regularly is quite a lot smaller than the group of drinking buddies I see out at concerts or parties.
AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 44
My Why: To have freedom from addictions, to create more space in my life, to honor my body / mind / spirit, to feel vibrant and empowered in my daily life, and to make my corner of the world a better, more peaceful, more loving & more beautiful place.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?
I enjoyed having pizza, out with family. I drank a regular San Pellegrino soda and didn't obsess about needing my tart cherry juice to make it taste more like wine.
Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I maintain healthy boundaries.
6) I have compassion for others.
7) I create beauty all around me.
