Day 81: June 20, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
I am not sure where I got the idea that alcohol relaxes me, because it wasn't a big part of my childhood. It may just have been from society, as the message is everywhere. In college, I had a really intense three-hour Wednesday night class one semester (about the Holocaust, no less) and every week after class I would get home, cry, and then drink. That's the first time I remember specifically using alcohol to relieve stress. After that, drinking became a go-to habit whenever I was feeling stressed (or sad, or overwhelmed).
One thing that's interesting is how I never recognized the longer-term stress that alcohol caused (later that night or the next day), and I only ever thought about the immediate "stress relief" I felt from drinking. I was unwilling or unable to see the full impact of drinking on my stress. The most frustrating way I think alcohol increased stress was that it killed my motivation to work on creative projects in the evening (I am an artist, so that's not good). If I had wine at dinner, it was pretty much a guarantee that I wasn't gonna work that night... Which totally added to my stress!
Here are some turnaround thoughts relating to alcohol and stress... Instead of thinking Alcohol relaxes me, the truth is:
- Alcohol adds to my stress by causing me to avoid things I need to be handling, like creative work or household maintenance tasks
- Alcohol adds to my stress because it causes me to sleep poorly and wake up tired
- Alcohol does not relax me because it causes an elevated heart rate for several hours afterwards, which causes low-level anxiety and discomfort
AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 28
My Why: To have freedom from addictions, to create more space in my life, to honor my body / mind / spirit, to feel vibrant and empowered in my daily life, and to make my corner of the world a better, more peaceful, more loving & more beautiful place.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?
Last night on the back patio I had an alcohol-free red wine (with a splash of tart cherry juice) and I s able to really enjoy our Mediterranean-themed dinner. I just appreciate eating more now that the event doesn't get progressively hazier. It's almost a giddy feeling, knowing that I will be able to enjoy the full meal and the beverage I'm drinking without any negative consequences! Before, I would start out alert, and then by the end of the meal I would feel groggy and also like having another glass of wine.
Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I maintain healthy boundaries.
6) I have compassion for others.
7) I create beauty all around me.
