Day 80: June 19, 2024

What are My Thoughts Today?

Today's lesson on The Path was interesting. We were asked to think about how every moment of our lives we are experiencing the world through our senses. Through our sense of taste, sight, hearing, touch, and smell. Even though we don't always tune in, if we wanted to we could hone in on our senses during any moment of our waking lives and connect to our experience more deeply.

But when we drink, we are literally dulling our senses. We depress our nervous systems and make it harder to experience a vibrant life. Our sense of smell and taste and hearing decrease, and our literal ability to remember what's happening is severely impaired.

However for some reason we have this fear that if we quit drinking, we will become boring or not have as much fun. For so long we have been fed the lie that we need the additional boost from alcohol to really have a great time — but in reality, alcohol is detracting from our ability to fully experience what's happening around us. It's an eye-opening thought.

For example, when my husband and I visited Paris, we drank a bunch of wine. Now I'm not saying I didn't have any fun when we were drinking, but I must admit there are several fuzzy memories from that trip, and likely there are even more "memories" that have escaped me completely because I was drinking. So my once-in-a-lifetime, magical vacation was actually partially forgotten due to alcohol. I chose to dull my senses and, in fact, experience less, even while I was exploring a brand new and thrilling environment.

The contradiction is something I had never noticed before. In reality, I will be able to experience a more vibrant life because I will not be dulling my senses with alcohol. Things will literally be more fun because my experience will be more alive. How did I never see that before? I didn't realize just how deep the lie of alcohol runs in our society.

Additional Thoughts:

I am having second thoughts about getting the lump in my breast removed right away in July. I have surgery scheduled for July 8th at the moment, but part of me is wondering if I could wait a couple months and see if not drinking, coupled with general lifestyle improvements and maybe even some natural herb remedies (a couple of my husband's friends do naturopathic medicine) would help – maybe these things would give my body a chance to reabsorb the tumor if it is indeed benign. I don't want to sit around and wait on it forever, of course, so I was thinking of just giving it a couple of months.

I'm not sure if that's irresponsible. I do think the body can heal itself from more than we give it credit for, and as far as I can tell from the consultation I had with the surgeon and radiologist, this particular tumor is most likely benign. But of course I don't want to take the chance and leave it there forever in case it is cancerous. I'm not decided yet, but it's certainly been on my mind.

AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 27

My Why: To have freedom from addictions, to create more space in my life, to honor my body / mind / spirit, to feel vibrant and empowered in my daily life, and to make my corner of the world a better, more peaceful, more loving & more beautiful place.

What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?

Nothing groundbreaking happened yesterday, but once again I did not miss having alcohol at dinner, and the Alcohol-Free Guinness hit the spot at night while I was reading. I have noticed a subtle shift in thinking, which isn't 100% complete yet, but I think it will be eventually.

I have noticed when I think about the idea of never drinking again, it's not filling me with dread or anxiety to the same extent it was at the beginning of this journey. I'm not going to say I'm completely out of the woods, but I am a little less hung up about the future... Which feels good!

Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I maintain healthy boundaries.
6) I have compassion for others.
7) I create beauty all around me.