Day 78: June 17, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
Today I spent a little time thinking about the taste of alcohol. Every type of alcohol I drank I had to acclimate to first. I didn't like red wine right away, so I started with super sweet Prosecco. I didn't like beer, but I eventually could tolerate Red Stripe - that was my intro beer. Hated shots! But over time, I started liking rye whisky Manhattans. But I would not have spent the time or energy acclimating myself to alcohol if it wasn't addictive / didn't spike my dopamine levels – I'm absolutely sure of that!
However, now I find myself genuinely liking the flavors of red wine, dark /amber beers, and Manhattans. But I still don't like hoppy beers, vodka, shots, and I no longer enjoy sweet wines. And of course, pure alcohol is a nasty poison. I assume this is why I never crave things like shots – they are too much like straight booze.
But, for better or worse (mostly worse), I eventually grew to enjoy the flavor of certain alcoholic drinks. That sense of enjoyment still lingers, even though I now know that alcohol isn't helping me. At first this felt like a whole lot of cognitive dissonance. But now that I understand more about the scientific ways that alcohol is problematic, I can lean into the alcohol-free versions of my favorite drinks – because the AF versions are tasty in an of themselves! This is why I have been so excited about exploring the Alcohol Free options – they give me the same (or similar) flavors, without the booze. So I don't feel deprived, and I'm no longer hurting myself by drinking!
As little as five years ago, there weren't nearly as many options for AF beverages as there are now... We have more choices than ever before! Even things like alcohol free red wine are improving (such as Wander + Found), so you can pair quite a lot of yummy Alcohol Free beverages with food.
As silly as it might sound to someone who has never struggled with alcohol, I had to grieve just a tiny bit for missing the "bite" of alcohol in certain drinks. But honestly the trade-off is so big that if I think about it rationally for even just a couple seconds, it is worth having a close approximation of my favorite drinks rather than dealing with a life of addiction and shame from drinking too much... Because that is literally the trade-off, for me at least!
Whenever I do feel the teensiest bit of craving for "the real thing", remember two things: 1) The trade-off isn't worth it, and 2) When I am feeling a craving, it is usually because I need some sort of self-care. If I'm in a good head-space, I'm not sad about having an Alcohol-Free Guinness - it hits the spot just right. It's only when I'm sad or stressed or overtired that I start to crave actual alcohol. That's because, subconsciously, alcohol had become a coping mechanism, a tool for self-soothing. Quite simply, I was unwittingly self-medicating.
AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 25
My Why: To have freedom from addictions, to create more space in my life, to honor my body / mind / spirit, to feel vibrant and empowered in my daily life, and to make my corner of the world a better, more peaceful, more loving & more beautiful place.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?
I made an alcohol-free cocktail in front of my nephew while we were playing games last night, and I said "Alcohol-free, and very tasty!" and he read aloud, "Non-alcoholic" from the label, and I was thinking about how I was grateful not to be modeling the "joy" of alcohol or getting drunk around his impressionable 11 year old mind. There are so many messages in our society about relaxing with alcohol, so at least he will have multiple perspectives on this going into his adult life! I do not want to contribute to the glorification of alcohol, or model heavy drinking for my nieces or nephews, which I was starting to worry was happening in recent years, as drinking had snuck its way into family gatherings.
Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I maintain healthy boundaries.
6) I have compassion for others.
7) I create beauty all around me.
