Day 73: June 12, 2024

What are My Thoughts Today?

Recently I have been reading a book called "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" and I just cannot get over how many of the recurring problems in my life are really boundary issues in disguise. If I think about it, my mom was always overbooked and dealt with uncomfortable emotions in a passive aggressive way, but I didn't realize how thoroughly those traits were passed down to me! And I'm not trying to bash my mom... We actually have a really good relationship now as adults. But there's definitely some baggage I need to pick through!

One of the major a-ha moments so far is that setting boundaries is just plain always going to be uncomfortable, and even accompanied by some level of guilt. However, feeling guilt is not a reason not to set of boundary! Guilt is simply an emotion we need to move through, like fear or anger. I think because I always felt a lot of guilt about boundaries, I assumed that meant my boundaries were unreasonable or somehow not compassionate.

In reality, if we are finding ourselves in a situation where we actually need to communicate our boundaries out loud, it's very likely that we are pushing up against someone else's different beliefs or expectations... and that's bound to be uncomfortable. However, rather than avoiding the boundary out of fear, we have to comfort ourselves after we set one.

It's kind of like with learning how to live alcohol free, we have to learn how to comfort ourselves and take care of ourselves when we are struggling (self-care doesn't eliminate the stress, but it does make it manageable). The point is to get through to struggle using self-care rather than to go back to drinking just because it is the path at least resistance.

In reality, alcohol causes so many more problems than the initial discomfort of sitting with a craving. Learning how to live alcohol free is a way to set a healthy boundary for myself in my own life... So it turns out even drinking is a boundary issue! Anyway, I am loving this book. I plan to practice better boundaries... There is certainly no shortage of opportunity!

More Thoughts:

For me a good distraction when I have a craving for alcohol has just been pouring a different drink that's alcohol free and getting over it. It's kind of like the whiny kid analogy – you can't give the craving what it wants. "Too bad, kid, we can't have alcohol, but let's have this drink instead." I've noticed that within the first few sips the craving / discomfort fades.

Not having it at home has helped a lot because there really isn't the option here. My husband still drinks but the one rule we have is he only buys stuff I hate. Plus, he's been buying less so that he's not getting drunk at our house. I have appreciated that a lot.

Going out is still a time when I feel some cravings but I think even that gets easier when you make yourself have that first alcohol-free drink. The Path has suggested, just be sure to have an AF drink in your hand whenever you go out. It's as much for me as it is for them!

I have read that eventually the alcohol-free drinks become less important when you get more used to not drinking, but right now they are really helping me deal with cravings, and the social pressures of being the only sober person at the party. Plus they just taste good!

AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 20

My Why: To have freedom from addictions, to create more space in my life, to honor my body / mind / spirit, to feel vibrant and empowered in my daily life, and to make my corner of the world a better, more peaceful, more loving & more beautiful place.

What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?

I was able to navigate a very difficult and frustrating conversation with a close friend yesterday without drinking afterwards, even though I did sort of want to, haha... So I had a tiny glass of half and half and a piece of dark chocolate instead. 🥛🍫

I noticed on the phone that my friend sounded tipsy and it reminded me why I don't want to drink, because it's so much harder to navigate difficult emotions and complex conversations when you are drinking. They were very repetitive and I didn't feel they really heard what I was saying until I hammered it home. In the end we were able to reach a point of mutual understanding and find a solution, so it's not like they were being mean or anything. But I did notice that drinking affects the way a difficult conversation goes down.

Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I maintain healthy boundaries.
6) I have compassion for others.
7) I create beauty all around me.