Day 65: June 4, 2024

What are My Thoughts Today?

I always said that I hated day-drinking because it made me tired. I realize now that this is because when I was drinking during the day (which was pretty rare, like at a brunch or on vacation), I never planned to have more than one drink. I would just have a mimosa or something and then feel like crap afterwards... Now I realize why! The positive effects you feel after a drink only last for 20 minutes, whereas the chemical effects of alcohol wearing off last between two to three hours per drink. In The Path they call this The Unfair Trade.

I have done my own experimenting, and I know this to be true. It takes at least 3 hours for my heart rate to go back to where it was before I drank. An elevated heart rate makes me feel anxious and unsettled at the end of the night, not to mention the depression and anxiety I usually felt the next day.

The trade-off was never worth it during the day because I wasn't planning to keep drinking. At night, it didn't feel like that because I would have more than one (usually two to four), and then of course I felt the euphoria a few times during the night, and I wasn't able to clearly connect with the idea that drinking itself was making me crabby and anxious.

I understand this now, but at the time I felt that day drinking was different somehow than night drinking. And I only ever thought about the fatigue part, not about the other negative emotions I would experience if I drank during the day. Those emotions were probably always there at night too, but I masked them by having more than one drink.

What's more, I eventually realized that drinking was really inhibiting my creativity. I wouldn't actually get any creative writing done until about four hours after I had a drink at dinner (if I got to it at all)... Needless to say, there was a lot of wasted time ceded to alcohol!

That's one thing I've enjoyed about not drinking, is that I actually have energy to do creative stuff right after dinner. I don't have to wait for the unpleasant side effects of alcohol to wear off, or skip it altogether.

The question I'm left with is this: why does literally everything I've ever read say that it only takes your body 1 hour to process each drink? Nobody says two to three hours. I'm not arguing with the reality that it does take longer than an hour to have the emotional impact of a drink wear off, as I have experienced this for myself. But why the discrepancy in our cultural knowledge? I would love to have a link to the studies that found a two to three hour effect per drink, just so that I can refer to it with friends and family if they ask me about it.

Progress Notes / Tips:

I was reading last night in one of my books about boundaries (I can't remember which one) about post-traumatic growth. I first heard the term in a different book, called Option B. It is the concept that sometimes a difficult setback can actually propel us towards further growth in the future, if we get the right support and have a growth-focused mindset. So while all the negative memories of drinking totally suck, at the end of the day I will probably be a more integrated person after I transform my relationship with alcohol. In fact, I will likely grow more than I would have without those experiences.

Without difficult things in life, we would be missing out on some growth opportunities. Not to be Pollyanna of course, because I think it is important to grieve and feel all the feels. But it helps me to remember that I have the potential to grow beyond where I was before, and in a weird way I will have my experience with alcohol to thank for it!

AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 12

My Why: To live mindfully and with intention and to create

What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?
I was able to cope with challenges and think clearly, without a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I have compassion for others.
6) I create beauty all around me.