Day 64: June 3, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
Today on The Path we learned about three things that are necessary for change:
- You believe you CAN change
- You believe it’s up to you and you alone
- You believe that the time to change is NOW
Ironically the one I'm struggling with the most is that I can change. I obviously can make changes in the short term, because I'm doing it! But I still have some negative beliefs and fears about being able to maintain these changes long-term. I will have to keep an eye out for stray thoughts that lean in this direction! I think learning to stay focused on the present moment is going to be a very big tool for me throughout this year and beyond. Future-casting (worrying) is not a great use of my mental energy (understatement of the year).
The more I learn about myself, the more I realize I want to make changes in my life. I am not really happy with where I'm at with my habits, boundaries, and even some relationships... The Path is uncovering a lot of baggage. Let me be clear, overall I have so much (and so many humans!) for which to be grateful... And I truly believe I am doing the best I can with the tools I have. I simply want to add more tools to my toolkit! That's why I am reading the books Set Boundaries, Find Peace and Burnout. I want to be more equipped to cope with life and set good boundaries. Ultimately this will help defeat the urge to turn to alcohol.
I already know that alcohol is going to be a dissatisfying life partner. It will make me feel trapped and miserable if I continue to drink. And eventually there will be some unfortunate consequences in terms of my overall health and happiness. But the good news is this: even though The Path is sometimes an uncomfortable journey (as I uncover my baggage and reevaluate everything), there is actually a light at the end of the tunnel: inner freedom! In contrast, there is simply no freedom at the end of the alcohol tunnel – only a big old train.
It might not feel like freedom right now, but every day I choose not to drink, I am NOT making my life more of a mess, more complicated than it needs to be. I am slowly, slowly picking up all the pieces and putting them together in a new way that feels more in line with my authentic self. Alcohol is only going to add to my angst and frustration... Whereas being sober will allow me to emerge from this struggle a more integrated person than before.
AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 11
My Why: To grow into a more confident person who knows my boundaries and my strength
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?
Yesterday was hard because I was processing some difficult emotions, both in my marriage and in my working life. Although I didn't see it right away, the good that came out of not drinking was that I didn't muddy the emotional waters with alcohol or make my situation even more difficult to handle by being unnecessarily, artificially depressed or upset. I was able to bring my full self to these uncomfortable feelings, even though it wasn't fun and I don't feel 100% resolved on the professional issue (my marriage is back on an even keel, hallelujah). So once and awhile it isn't the rosy, perfect event that makes you realize you're glad you're not drinking, sometimes it's the fact that alcohol isn't making things worse! Yes, even when things feel generally rotten, choosing not to drink that day is still a major win. ❤️
Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I have compassion for others.
6) I create beauty all around me.
