Day 63: June 2, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
I appreciated how we made a plan for ourselves around moderation as part of The Path – and more importantly, that we made it before the 30-day group break even officially began (that starts June 11). I love that, because it takes some of the mental pressure off. When I was a little kid, I used to worry I would get hungry in the middle of the night. So I'd put a small piece of chocolate next to my bed. I would know that if I was hungry I could eat it, yet I almost never did wake up and feel so hungry that I decided to do so... Usually I just slept straight through the night. But just knowing it was there was enough to relieve the anxiety.
That's how this moderation plan feels to me. Although I'm not drinking now, it gives me some peace of mind to know that I already have a plan in place for lengthening and for my non-negotiables. It just means that's something I don't have to think about down the line, if I do decide I want to try to drink again. I'm going to still set a firm boundary of a full year being Alcohol-Free, because in my gut I can tell I need to try doing everything that a year brings at least once without alcohol, but after that I know I have a plan for whatever comes next. Maybe I will decide to live alcohol-free from then on out... But there's no need to make a forever declaration right now, as long as my boundaries are already set up.
Speaking of boundaries, I think the topic of boundaries is going to be a huge theme of the year for me. If I don't have drinking as an escape plan from stress, I'm going to have to face some uncomfortable truths about not saying yes to stuff I don't want to, and being honest with friends and potential creative collaborators about my personal bandwidth... Even if that means people get upset with me sometimes. I don't think I am a cruel person (I'm certainly not perfect but I'm usually not trying to be a jerk), so that means I have to trust that any boundaries I set up are not for selfish reasons. Rather, I need to implement boundaries simply because my gut is telling me I need to make space for myself.
I wonder why I equated space for myself with being selfish for so long. I think that has done a lot of damage over the years. This year I'm going to re-calibrate my thinking. I no longer want to associate giving myself the time and space I need to feel nourished and creatively fulfilled with being a selfish, bad person. I am excited to embark on this journey, journeying towards freedom from alcohol while building healthy, compassionate boundaries!
AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 10
My Why: To honor and respect my body and mind, both by being alcohol-free and by setting healthy boundaries that are compassionate to myself and to others.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?
I played card games with my husband and my brother-in-law last night and I was able to have a fun time without alcohol. It's so true: laughter is the best medicine (not alcohol).
Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I have compassion for others.
6) I create beauty all around me.
