Day 61: May 31, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
In the future, if I'm trying to moderate and I break a non-negotiable, I will take the following pauses from alcohol. This tactic – of taking progressively longer pauses from drinking – is called "lengthening" on The Path. Here is the schedule of pauses I will follow in the future:
- 30 days
- 60 days
- 90 days
- 3 months
- 6 months
- 9 months
- 1 year
I hope this will help me to re-calibrate myself and eventually make the decision of whether or not the roller coaster drinking is worth it. I have a lot of ambivalence about the idea of moderation right now, and I'm still committed to taking a break through next year to try a year without drinking. But The Path wants us to lay our groundwork plans ahead of time so we are not making calls around drinking in the moment, in the middle of a social situation. When we leave the decision up to chance, the chance of us drinking is high.
Also I am struggling with something else right now, not entirely related to alcohol. I'm realizing that I have a few relationships in my life where I have given away my power. Times when I have not spoken up when upset, and instead ruminated about what made me angry.
There are so many times when I have not set good boundaries relating to my schedule and my energy. For example, I say yes to something when I really want to say no... But I don't say no because I feel guilty, I want to please someone, or I'm too worried about turning down a good opportunity.... But not every opportunity is for me! I can acknowledge a project might sound cool on the surface, but it doesn't mean it's for me at the moment.
I carry a lot of mental baggage and resentment around with me about these situations. I have to learn how to reclaim my power in a way that still feels compassionate to others... And I need to do it quick! There are a couple big projects looming that I need to reevaluate. I don't want to be flaky, but I realize I've put myself in situations I'm not happy about and I have to find a way out before I commit to a project that I will almost certainly regret.
I am currently reading a book called 13 Things that Mentally Strong People Never Do and the first chapter was about having pity on yourself. I don't feel that is a big problem in my life. But the second chapter was about giving away your power, and it was like every word was jumping off the page screaming "You do this all the time!" Especially regarding those projects that are bothering me... I really need to work on saying what I mean.
AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 8
My Why: To develop into an emotionally free person who is authentic and compassionate and says what they mean.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?
I am just loving feeling sober at bedtime. Nothing in particular, it just feels way better than going to bed knowing that you are not going to get restful sleep.
Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I have compassion for others.
6) I create beauty all around me.
