Day 59: May 29, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
Lots of thoughts swimming around today! First of all, while I really do appreciate all the studies cited in The Path, sometimes I wish the course included more direct links. I often feel like doing further reading. After all, studies are tricky things – they can be framed in a way that leads us towards drawing certain conclusions. Luckily the studies' authors are usually cited, so I've been able to track down a few on my own if I want more context.
For example, studies by Nutt & co. have shown that alcohol ranks up there as one of the riskiest drugs... And it is certainly riskier than tobacco! But as far as heroin is concerned, if that was made legal, I imagine that it would quickly outweigh alcohol in terms of harm. If everyone was doing heroin, the outcomes would be horrible! It's because nearly everyone drinks alcohol that we see so much damage in our society. Not only is it legal, but it's culturally venerated... That has to be a big factor in alcohol's widespread, pervasive harm!
And just to be clear, I truly appreciate The Path bringing alcohol studies to my attention, because more knowledge about the harms of drinking helps me undermine the unhealthy subconscious thinking that got me here in the first place. But if I base my decisions only on science, and not from an honest assessment of my own experience, I'll never be able to let my brain rest. Scientific evidence is always changing, so I'll be stuck on a roller-coaster of following the Booze News. Making a decision from the inside feels like a more solid starting point... Or maybe people need both science and inner convictions to feel fully grounded.
I wish society viewed alcohol more like cigarettes. Not just because of their health risks, but because alcohol is incredibly neuro-psychologically addictive. Most people will admit that drinking too much is a problem that can lead to health issues... But few people want to talk about how alcohol is also addictive over time, even in small amounts. To me, that is the main reason I want to live alcohol free. I do not want to knowingly subject myself to an addictive and harmful substance, especially since I am so prone to getting trapped by it.
Because even though I don't like to admit it, if I'm totally honest about my relationship with alcohol, moderation is not a good idea for me. I always thought that if I could just cut back the amount I drank, I'd feel free and powerful. But there's much more going on beneath the surface. I didn't drink at all in April, but then when I added drinking back in for a few weeks in May, alcohol instantly took up a ton of mental space. It was so obviously unbalancing to my brain chemistry. And I was actually (finally) moderating! It wasn't helping me feel good the next day, no matter how few drinks I had. To me, drinking just didn't feel like freedom.
My intentions going forward are to stay alcohol free for the remainder of this calendar year. Hopefully by then I will just not want to drink again. But if I ever do decide to drink, I'm glad I made that list of non-negotiables yesterday, because that is an objective guidepost for whether or not moderation is actually working for me. It's like an irrefutable litmus test.
AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 6
My Why: To be free from the weight of alcohol.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?
I did some creative work after dinner because I wasn't groggy.
Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I have compassion for others.
6) I create beauty all around me.
