Day 58: May 28, 2024

Day 58: May 28, 2024

What are My Thoughts Today?

The weekend gathering with family was a success! 😊 I did not drink the whole vacation (besides having that one sip to try my Dad's homemade wine) and the best part is, I didn't miss it! I had an AF Spiritless Old Fashioned Pour-Over each night, which I dressed up with orange bitters and lemon juice and it hit the same spot and kept me from feeling left out.

My favorite thing was really being present with my aunts and uncles. They are all in their late 60s and 70s now and I am realizing there's so much I don't know about their lives or the lives of my (great-)grandparents. We had lots of good conversations about our family history, and I was 100% coherent during all of them! This might sound cheesy, but I think not drinking helped me to feel closer to them... I am very grateful for those conversations.

Pretty much everyone else in my family did indeed drink this weekend, but no one got out of control or even noticeably drunk. All I can say is, that just wasn't me - I almost always got visibly drunk at parties like that. Which is a bummer, but oh well... It's just the truth! I am glad The Path is helping me to see how much better my life can be without alcohol! πŸ’–

Thoughts on Today's Lesson in The Path:

Am I residing in the Land of Liberation or Fixation? I'm part-way to freedom, but I am still frequently operating from fixation mode. Slowly the fog is lifting in terms of realizing that alcohol isn't going to do me any favors, which has allowed me to make better choices as of late... This is progress!!! But the pull of alcohol is often still present, even when I have firmly chosen not to drink. Sometimes the temptation haunts me, chattering away in my mind... I'm hoping eventually this voice will settle down and I can find my way to full liberation.

Right now I am choosing not to drink at all. But, should I ever decide to attempt moderation again, I have created a list of non-negotiables around drinking. These are the lines I never want to cross, the rules of the game. If I do ever cross them again, that will indicate that I am once again struggling with addiction, that I should take a break from drinking to sort myself out. I feel like there's a good chance I will just want to stay alcohol-free, because even during my 21 days of moderate drinking in May, I could feel the burden of fixation crawling onto my back once again. It's a big weight to carry, and I am not sure it's worth it.

My Non-Negotiables:

- Never more than 2 drinks in a day.
- Never more than 7 drinks a week.
- No more drinking on work nights.
- No more hangovers the next day.
- No more forgetting the end of the night.
- No more hazy conversations.
- No more arguments with my husband that are fueled by alcohol.
- No more waking up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding.
- No more putting myself in dangerous situations because of alcohol.
- No more days feeling unnecessarily tired because of drinking the night before.
- No more days feeling creatively drained because of drinking the night before.
- No more days feeling bad about myself because of drinking the night before.
- No more days feeling trapped by the cycle of drinking.
- No more days feeling like alcohol has control over me.

AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 5

My Why: To move from fixation to liberation!

What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink? I had a great trip visiting family that really enforced why I want to live Alcohol-Free.

Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I have compassion for others.
6) I create beauty all around me.