Day 49: May 19, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
The first notable peer pressure event that fueled my drinking was back between 2011 and 2016 — I have a group of friends in my town that used to meet up every Wednesday for half price wine night at a fancy restaurant. We would take over a big table and have a great time, but now that I'm looking back, I'm the one who usually got the most drunk at these events. I don't think (I hope not!) that I intentionally pressured other people to drink (like singling them out), but I do remember several times people would say things like "I never really drink except for when I am with you" — but what is so weird is that l didn't actually let myself truly hear that message at the time... It's like I tuned it out intentionally.
Later my husband and I started having wine with my parents, during the pandemic when we were in each other's "bubbles"... We had dinner there once a week. During one of these nights mom said, "I only really drink when you are over", but then it kind of sunk in differently — I realized that maybe being a drinking buddy to my Mom wasn't what I wanted to be known for... Interestingly, when I said I was cutting back, my mom instantly did too. So I wonder if I was unconsciously encouraging her to drink more than she would have otherwise (this seems likely).
Now drinking is less about peer pressure and just about ubiquity. It's everywhere! Yesterday I went to a bridal shower for one of my best friends, and the entire theme was wine!! Like that is the only gift she requested, it was called a "stock the bar" party. I went in thinking I might actually have a glass of champagne, but luckily my friend knows I am trying to cut back, so she had a small bottle of non-alcoholic champagne at the ready. That was so sweet of her. So I didn't feel any pressure to drink, even though everyone else was. I was actually relieved there was an AF drink waiting for me, because I would've only been drinking because I felt like I "should", not because I really wanted to, as I genuinely dislike day drinking.
I felt a little weird at first not drinking, but by the end I was extremely glad I wasn't tired and crabby. Plus I drank my AF champagne out of a pretty glass and I really honestly didn't notice the difference that much once I got over the psychological aspect. But I will admit, it's still a bit of a hurdle to be the only one not drinking! Hopefully that dissipates eventually. I imagine that it will over time. But still, I am just always floored these days how present and venerated alcohol is in our society!
Total Number of Drinks since April 1st: 6
My Why: To get to a point where I like the life choices I am making.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink? I could see that drinking just to drink was clearly a bad choice and I was proud of myself.
Daily Affirmations:
1) I enjoy freedom from alcohol.
2) I choose to live mindfully.
3) I respect and honor myself.
4) I am worthy of love and care.
5) I give myself patience to heal.
6) I have compassion for others.
7) I create beauty all around me.
