Day 46: May 16, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
Do I drink to fit in? That's a good question. I started drinking with my friends; it's just how we all felt compelled to socialize after high school. Especially when my high school friends and I were home from college on breaks - we always drank a lot, way more than was healthy for us (blacking out and barfing were both not uncommon occurrences). I drank later in college as well (and too much then as well), always socially and mostly at bars / clubs. So in a way I drank to fit in I suppose, but I didn't feel pressured to drink. It was just what we all wanted to do.
The desire to drink didn't come from my immediate family, as alcohol wasn't a big part of my childhood. My parents didn't really drink until all the kids moved out. Once I entered the professional world, and especially when my work involved traveling, then it seemed like alcohol was everywhere. So I'm sure that didn't help.
I'm wondering when drinking became more than just a social thing though. I think my drinking has always been at a problematic level because I am quite petite... This meant I always got the drunkest of my friends, even way back in college.
I am reading "The Sober Diaries" by UK author Clare Pooley right now (❤️) and she talks about going to a dinner party sober and realizing that nobody else really got wasted. She was always wasted at those things but because she was drinking she didn't realize how much she must have stood out. That was me! It was interesting to read about it from her perspective, I hadn't thought about how my drinking must have looked on the outside.
Total Number of Drinks since April 1st: 5
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink? I did drink yesterday, unfortunately. But I'm proud of myself for only having one glass of wine. I was sort of debating having a second one but I could already feel my heart rate was elevated and I felt so thirsty. So I had water instead and by the time I finished the water I didn't want the wine anymore. I was very grateful for that realization towards the end of the night. It still bothers me that I felt some of the familiar uncomfortable feelings after drinking and I'm pretty sure that's why I went to bed so late then why I am moving pretty slow today. But still, one glass is better than two!
Daily Affirmations:
1) I enjoy freedom from alcohol.
2) I choose to live mindfully.
3) I respect and honor myself.
4) I am worthy of love and care.
5) I give myself patience to heal.
6) I have compassion for others.
7) I create beauty all around me.
