Day 44: May 14, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
Apparently there was a study that looked at people who only had 0.06 blood alcohol and yet their sleep was still disrupted. It makes me wonder if even just one drink is not a great plan! I have been allowing myself a glass of wine here or there (4 total since April 1st) and, if I were able to maintain that low level of consumption (and that's a big "if", as we all know), I have been wondering if maybe I would allow myself to continue drinking at that level (one glass), and only sporadically (I don't want to go back to drinking everyday). But obviously now I'm going to do some rethinking. I really don't want alcohol to impair the next day. When I have one glass of wine with dinner, which is many hours before I go to bed in my case (🌛🦉), I haven't been feeling like my sleep has been disrupted. Which I'm glad about! But I wonder if drinking is still affecting my cognitive functioning the next day, even just slightly. I don't want to go through life impaired for no reason. Lots to ponder!
Sleep disruption was a major reason I started looking at programs like The Path. I was so tired of feeling jacked at 3:00 a.m., unable to sleep with my heart pounding. I literally never want to feel that way again. When I have just one glass of wine with dinner, which has been easier because of all the information we've been taking in about how dangerous alcohol is, I don't feel bad by the time I go to bed. I do notice a slightly elevated heart rate for a few hours, but by the time I go to sleep it's back to normal. I wonder why I'm still willing to even put my heart through the mild elevation it goes through when I drink even one glass. Drinking probably is still affecting my sleep, just not so noticeably with only one glass.
I think I'm not quite there yet when they say there's no safe level of alcohol consumption. I'm assuming by the end of the program I will be able to believe that more authentically. I think that is where I would need to get before I want to cut it out 100%. I know with cancer rates there's no safe level, I just need to allow my subconscious mind to believe that.
The bigger thing to ponder is why I would feel so compelled to find a way to continue to drink in moderation when I know the risks are so high. I'm not all about being super cautious, but this seems like a little bit of an unnecessary risk at this point in my life. I want to figure out why I feel compelled to try to moderate when abstaining is likely the easier and safer route.
Total Number of Drinks since April 1st: 4
My Why: To change my subconscious thinking around my undesirable behaviors, to make my life more intentional and fulfilling.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink? I did drink one glass of wine with dinner, but I felt in control and glad to not have a second glass.
Daily Affirmations:
1) I enjoy freedom from alcohol.
2) I choose to live mindfully.
3) I respect and honor myself.
4) I am worthy of love and care.
5) I give myself patience to heal.
6) I have compassion for others.
7) I create beauty all around me.
