Day 35: May 5, 2045
What are My Thoughts Today?
I had a "data point" last night (meaning I decided to drink), and now I have a lot to think about. Two things stand out - 1) Don't beat myself up over one glass of wine, especially since I learned from the experience! I still tend to go down Self-Scolding Lane, but if I can see beating myself up for what it really is, which is ineffective and also unkind, then it's a little easier not to indulge in that kind of thinking. 2) I think the area where I will be doing more reflection is around the (in)effectiveness of setting all or nothing goals.
Like why was that even the goal to have no drinks in May? Why not have it be "Do The PATH work and learn about living alcohol free. Be mindful if I choose to drink, but stay connected to my desire to have alcohol be small and insignificant." I am thinking through my life and I am always setting very big goals for myself and then when I don't meet a deadline or whatever, I feel ineffective and frustrated. A pretty big parallel to drinking actually! So maybe it's not my integrity that is busted up, but my goal-setting methods. I guess I've never entertained that idea before.
I was just reading a book called "Slow Productivity" last night and the author said he recommends doubling the timeline for every goal because people tend to be unrealistically optimistic when they are thinking of completing projects. And he also said that it's important to forgive yourself if you don't meet a deadline. Because chances are, the initial goal / deadline wasn't realistic in the first place. 🤯 It's funny how I ended up reading that passage last night, the same night I decided to drink. I think the concepts are related, at least in my own life. The next time I'm tempted to set a goal, I'm going to think about what the purpose of a goal really is. I want to trust myself, but maybe I don't need tons of rules to nurture that trust.
Total Number of Drinks since April 1st: 1
My Why: To realize my over-arching vision of a more fulfilling life.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink? I did decide to drink yesterday (1 glass of wine) but it was a good learning experience.
Daily Affirmations:
1) I enjoy freedom from alcohol.
2) I choose to live mindfully.
3) I respect and honor myself.
4) I am worthy of love and care.
5) I give myself patience to heal.
6) I have compassion for others.
7) I create beauty all around me.
