Day 3: April 3, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
In many ways I feel like I have positive self-regard BUT if I think about it, I do have the voices in my head that say: 1) You aren't strong enough / you have no self control and 2) You are selfish and 3) You are lazy. And when I type them out I can already tell they are doozies!!! I know these are just beliefs that can be changed over time, but I am going to have to really dig into these ones. Maybe all this time I have been confusing gratitude for an amazing life (because I really do have a lot to be grateful for) with positive self-regard. It's like on the "Society" level I feel really supported in life, but on the "Self" level there are some nasty beliefs hiding out.
Even though my life is generally good, and I have a lot to be grateful for in life, I still drink. This makes me feel (or reaffirms the belief) that I am lazy, and this leads to guilt, and feeling unworthy, ungrateful, and ashamed. I want to please everyone and I want to do what I think they want for me to be a "good person" - and that includes hobbies! So if I am sitting there not doing anything, I feel lazy.
But in reality, it's okay to just sit there, to not do things. My time doesn't have to be occupied or productive every minute of the day. It simply isn't true that I am lazy if I am not constantly doing something.
This compulsion to keep busy is probably one reason I have struggled with drinking. At some point, drinking became my cue that I can take a break. But in reality, I don't need drinking to give me permission to relax or take a break. Nonetheless, I will have to be mindful to create new cues. I do indeed deserve to relax, but now I need to find new, nurturing rituals that don't include alcohol.
I'm going to try and give myself grace. Whenever I hear a nasty belief about myself pop up in my head, I'm going to assume that it is a false piece of information that will be dis-proven eventually... Just like I'll eventually unravel my false beliefs about alcohol and its "benefits" in my life. Grace can be applied to any nasty belief!
Drinks since April 1st: 0
My Why: To rewire my thinking into something more positive!
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink? I was able to be creative & paint after work because I wasn't tipsy!
Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live alcohol-free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I have compassion for others.
6) I create beauty all around me.
