Day 15: April 15, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
When I grew up my family did not really drink. My dad maybe would have a beer during a football game but that was pretty much it. My mom didn't drink at all. So when I was little I did not associate alcohol with the holidays. I actually thought it was kind of sad that people would get drunk during the most festive time of year 'cuz they would miss being fully present for the celebrations. But then as us four kids all started to drink as adults, my parents began to drink with us for fun... and then of course drinking became part of the holidays. My new conditioning has me believing that drinking makes the holidays more festive, and that if I'm not drinking this Christmas I will feel like I'm missing out with my family. But if I'm willing to question this belief, I can remember a time when I didn't feel that way.
So the obvious conclusion is that neither way is 100% set in stone. It's all about what you want out of life, and what you've grown used to. Whatever we take in from our environment and our own habits gradually become what we are conditioned to believe as "just the way it is". But clearly if you are willing to stay open-minded there are so many different ways to live and we don't need to limit ourselves to the one we are comfortable with and used to. Especially if we feel like we would be happier without alcohol!
During the last year or so of drinking I definitely felt like something was wrong with my situation, so I would look for scientific evidence of how much to drink. I would self-select the less scary studies in order to prove to myself that my level of drinking wasn't a problem. Obviously there were many different studies that were telling me I should be concerned, but I didn't pay attention to those, haha. 😆
Anyway, Two Weeks AF as of today!!! 🥳 It's hard to believe actually. I have never ever ever felt like I wanted to continue being alcohol-free after taking a break. But I do right now! The information in The Path program has really helped me to think about why I'd want to pick up a glass of wine if I know I won't feel good afterwards.
It's not like I don't ever crave alcohol, but honestly my belief is becoming stronger than my desire to drink. That is such a weird thing to say because it is so unlike the "me" of the past. I still have plenty of negative Self beliefs to root out around drinking / self-worth, and I haven't quite kicked the feeling of being deprived, but this milestone is a big win... The foundation for an AF life is growing stronger.
I don't want to make any forever commitments, so instead I think I'm going to take it one month at a time. I decided I'm going to try and stay AF in May, too. I am so curious how this experience of being alcohol free will change month to month. I've heard (from a good friend who is AF) that there's a big turning point around month four, and I would like to try to get there to experience it for myself.
My big goal for the next month aside from staying AF, is to become a morning person. 🌅 My schedule is just not working for me and my husband. I thought it would all be magically fixed with quitting drinking but I am still going to bed super late and sleeping in too late, which is making me less productive and I am not getting outside enough. This is a big hindrance. I am going to try getting just as curious about this pattern of behavior as I do about my drinking! Maybe I should apply some liminal thinking to this thought: "I will never be a morning person."
Drinks since April 1st: 0
My Why: To learn what it feels like to embrace change rather than fight it. To grow stronger and more hopeful as a human.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink? Even though I wanted alcohol when I felt kinda grumpy earlier this evening, I soon realized that it wasn't gonna actually fix my mood. The desire was habit energy and I was able to recognize it for what it was. Another win!
Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I have compassion for others.
6) I create beauty all around me.
