Day 102: July 11, 2024
What are My Thoughts Today?
Today's lesson on The Path was about moderation and whether or not we feel it is possible in our own lives. I am still undecided in the long run. On May 23rd of this year, I made a commitment to take one full year off from drinking. I want to experience every holiday without alcohol so I can make an informed decision about whether or not I truly want to start again (holidays are the biggest hang-ups for me). I will admit that lately I have been feeling tempted to try moderation earlier. But I'm taking that as a sign that alcohol is even more sneaky and addictive and than I imagined! So I don't want to change my initial goal.
So the question remains – when did I start struggling with moderation? I think it was always a struggle, ever since I started drinking. Alcohol is simply a neuro-chemically addictive substance and I am a physically small person, so binge drinking in college had a big impact on my ability to moderate in the future. Even though I wasn't drinking because of trauma initially, I definitely wasn't a take-it-or-leave-it kind of person. I almost always got drunk when I drank, and the sense of euphoria I felt each time I "partied" was very pronounced.
I didn't initially drink for stress relief, although during the pandemic I definitely did, and that's when my drinking got much worse (and daily). I really like the idea of setting a rule to never, ever drink in response to stress, sadness, or pain. Drinking should only be done as a celebratory activity... That is a hugely important guideline that I intend to follow, should I ever decide to attempt moderation after this year of Alcohol-Free living.
Drinking when stressed has consequences. An initial study reported by Penn State even linked stress drinking in college to a higher chance of alcohol use disorder in the future:
“The people who showed more stress-related drinking — whose drinking really spikes when they're stressed — they were more likely to develop harmful drinking behavior at the end of college,” Russell said. “Our results are preliminary, but I think it's an important message. Increasing your drinking when you're stressed could have long-term consequences; it could possibly put you on the path toward a drinking problem.”
Alcohol can become a habitual thing when we use it to numb out pain, whether physical or psychological. In time, it often becomes our only coping mechanism. But its effects are temporary and ultimately inflammatory. No matter what, drinking when stressed, sad, or hurting only serves to perpetuate the stress cycle... There's just no need to go there!
AF Days Since May 23, 2024: 49
My Why: To have freedom from addictions, to create more space in my life, to honor my body / mind / spirit, to feel vibrant and empowered in my daily life, and to make my corner of the world a better, more peaceful, more loving & more beautiful place.
What's One Awesome Thing that Happened Yesterday because I Chose Not to Drink?
I could connect with my high school friends last night in a new way (or, more accurately, the original way) during our online book club. When we were young we never drank alcohol, but then it became a big part of our time together. However, now that we are adults and reconnecting every month at our book discussion, it's nice that drinking isn't central.
Daily Affirmations:
1) I choose to live Alcohol-Free.
2) I respect and honor myself.
3) I am worthy of love and care.
4) I give myself patience to heal.
5) I maintain healthy boundaries.
6) I have compassion for others.
7) I create beauty all around me.
